Thoughts
by Sidekickwannabe
Summary: Just some random thoughts of Ami Mizuno...*complete rambling nothing ^_~*


If I close my eyes, bet I can imagine all sound but the music playing my ear to be gone. I've never turned up the cd player this loud but the tv in the background is too loud for me to try to ignore so I must drown it out. I can almost do it with the sounds coming from within the kitchen nearby. It's not that I don't like outside noise, it's just I'm finally trying to concentrate on my thoughts, and for one of the first times I'm allowing myself to just flow. I'm letting my hands follow my thoughts and although I'm trying not to be perfect with my grammar, it is an instinct that is hard to kill. And it's bad tonight, too, because when I just want to write and not worry about anything nitpicky like grammar or spelling, I'm constantly hitting the backspace button. Not frustrating to a point but annoying enough for me to notice.   
  
I'm tired. Nothing is challenging me any more. I try to make up my own little challenges around here but ever since Crystal Tokyo came, my duties have been relegated to that of Royal Physician. Except for Rini's pregnancy, that job is pointless. People don't get sick like they used to. They haven't for a hundred years, not since the great sleep. I know Serenity only gave me that title just to keep me around, too. I just wish there were more to it than a simple title. I'm a good doctor, I've spent almost all my life researching and advancing medicine to its peak, I've saved countless lives, given aide to those who's deaths were inevitable. And my talent is all going to waste.  
  
There have been no more attacks on Crystal Tokyo in about 75 years. Minako, Makoto, Rei and I have unofficially retired from the Sailor Senshi. For a long time, before and after Crystal Tokyo, our old names were replaced with our more formal Senshi names. After a while, even I forgot that I had a name other than Sailor Mercury. But now that it's been quiet, since the defeat of the Black Moon family and Rini's return, we've gone back to who we were before.  
  
I can't say I miss it, I don't. I don't miss people being so afraid of me and my dear friends that we were regarded with kid gloves. I don't like having people jump when I speak to them and have them rush away to do my bidding as if I were to freeze them to death for not following my orders immediately. I don't miss the required appearances at balls, I attend them now only for my own amusement. I don't miss having to maintain the aloofness that my position required. Now I have real friends who aren't afraid of me, who are outside the circle set by the Senshi and the Royal Family.   
  
My children are grown now. Aidan is off soldiering, trying to follow in his father's footsteps. He has insisted that he work his way up through the natural militarial processes and he's a good soldier. He has none of his father in him with that. Zoicite hated fighting. He was interested in the expansion of the mind and health of the body. He cared nothing for mock battles or using the magic blessed to him by the gods for anything but self defense. Zoicite cared for duty and it was that reason alone that he stayed by his friends and his prince in the army.   
  
Malora is studying under Rei at the Shrine. She says that Aidan can take his army and protect the world physically, she will heal them all mentally. I know that it's tedious work for her but her desire to be a spiritual leader under Rei and beside Rei's son Neal, whom she is desperately in love with. They are engaged to be married and I couldn't be more prouder of them both. Malora wanted to marry in the spring, when the cherry blossoms are most beautiful, but Rei insists that her training is crucial in that season and Malora and Neal must postpone their wedding until the fall.   
  
Rini is married, approaching her 5th wedding anniversary and one year anniversary since she took the throne. Her daughter will be born any day now and Serenity is nearly driving Rini and Endymion mad with fussiness. The Queen has gone through many transformations in her lifetime but motherhood is the one that suited her the most. As graceful as she was, and still is, with the public, it is how she looks at Rini, how she speaks to her that I admire the most.   
  
I don't dislike my life, this isn't why I'm writing. In fact, I'm more than pleased with it. I love that for the first time in my life I can be bored. But I'm the only one of the senshi who is. Everyone else, they have real purposes and my only purpose is gone. Since Zoicite's death, I haven't been quite the same. I miss him. He was such a huge part of my life. If I close my eyes and imagine, I can still feel him.   
  
The music has stopped playing, the sounds in the kitchen are quiet, the tv is off. I've sat here too long reflecting on my life. I've stopped messing up, the words have been coming easily now for a long time. I feel silly for having said all this and wasted all this time doing nothing but at the same time, I'm glad I did it. I should go now. There is a knocking on my door and I know it's probably Serenity, sent here by Rini for some peace; I should go and not keep her waiting..  
  
~End~  
  
An: Okay, it's really all a load of nothing. But I really needed this brainstorm of typing and I am sure I'm going to do it again so my creative flow can return. I don't mind this time if the reviews are less than glowing, I hadn't really any intention of posting this but it once again has gotten the better of me. ^_~ 


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